A small town is a place where there's no place to go where you shouldn't

Burt Bacharach said this. I have nothing to add. I live in a small town. Or rather, I live in a small village about two miles from a small town. That town is Uckfield.

I like, sometimes, living near a small town. Small towns make me laugh. I was driving into Uckfield yesterday and there was a local newspaper billboard proclaiming: PEACOCKS GO ON RAMPAGE!

Yeah, scary! It's not always funny, though. A few years ago, the headline was something like 'YOBS VANDALISE TOWN! FLOWERPOTS ARE OVERTURNED!'

Scary too, really scary. I don't know how we sleep peacefully in our beds. More scary, the comment from our local councillor. "It's like living on the Gaza Strip."

Sometimes, I despair...