but when you try and try, the world is beyond the winning."
Do you know what? I wish I could keep those words firmly in my mind. I remember them sometimes but most times I don't and I struggle and I strive and get nowhere. Then I use up all my remaining energy telling myself I'm hopeless.
|Struggle by Jaeson Ma|
Yesterday, with all the time in the world for creative writing (for once in my life), I battled and struggled to finish the last few paragraphs of a short story.
I did finish but it felt like pulling teeth, it took all day and I ended up exhausted and dissatified. It remains to be seen whether I think the writing is any good today...
This morning, I had a lesson on Alfie - part dressage, part jumping. Lao Tzu was with us, though he seems to favour riding oxen.
I didn't struggle. I didn't kick or whip Alfie just to get him to move from the spot. (That makes me sound Very Cruel - I'm not. I just have a very resistant horse!)
In our writing workshop, Meg Rosoff talked about throughness (discussed, too, in her very excellent blog) - the English translation of a German dressage term, Durchlässigkeit.
In our riding today, Alfie and I had great long moments of throughness - harmony and flow.
This was us in the summer, side-by-side, in perfect harmony. Today, that was how it was when I was riding him, my beautiful boy.
NOW - all I have to do is achieve the same feeling when I'm writing. Without struggling to achieve it...
Alfie wonders if I EVER listen to the lessons he tries to teach me.