Friday, 14 October 2011

“Lean too much on the approval of people, and it becomes a bed of thorns”

Yes, I think I have a mattress made of cacti. Comfortable, eh?

 (You can buy them in SPIKEA)

The quotation is by a Chinese educator, writer and diplomat called Tehyi Hsieh, born in 1844, who toured America lecturing on 'Awakened China.'

I think he needs to tour inside my head... 'Awaken Caroline.'

So, I had vowed to measure my worth by approving of myself, not doing that thing that I do of being convinced my work is rubbish until someone else tells me it's okay.

 Vowing is one thing. Actually doing it is another.

Yesterday morning I was waiting for feedback on the web content I've written over the past few months.

Yes...I was waiting...and I was waiting...and as lunchtime approached and I'd heard nothing I decided that my work must be SO BAD that my colleagues were having to spend hours and hours re-writing it. I snuggled down on my very own cactus mattress and suffered. A lot.

Then I got an e-mail with the (very few) amendments. It had been forwarded from one colleague via my boss. My colleague wrote (to my boss not to me) 
"'It's a v good read."

So then I felt GOOD. Just that one tiny comment made all the difference.

Except, I DIDN'T feel good that I went through all that self-torture...