Saturday, 8 October 2011

"If your hoss knew how puny you were, he'd stomp you to death."

A savvy sayin' by Ken Alstad...True Wisdom from the Real West

I don't think so, Ken.

When they know I'm feeling puny my two hosses simply refuse to budge.

Well, today it's MY turn to take my horses' feelings of puniness and stomp them to death. The feelings, not the horses.

In a bout of near insanity, I have entered me and Alfie and Poppy into a Le Trec show at our yard. That's not as in a Ménage à Trois, more as in a Folie à Deux, TWICE.

Le Trec is like the Krypton Factor for horses.

It would be absolutely fine if we were on our own. The problem is, with my two, that they go stark-staring crazy when there's too much going on around them. That's why I don't take them to shows - but of course, OBVIOUSLY, that makes it a vicious circle.

Alfie either freezes like a rabbit caught in the headlights or rears and bolts.

Poppy gets more and more excited as every minute passes.  'Look at me, everybody! Aren't I fabulous? The Amazing Prancing Pony...'

...oh, and spinning, bucking and galloping are also in my repertoire. Would you like to see?'

Somebody once asked how I'd ended up with two such challenging horses.

Somebody once answered 'It's because God knew you could cope.'

Tomorrow, it's my job to instil my beautiful animals with a sense of calm - not easy when you're clinging on for dear life at ninety miles per hour - but I have to forget about ME - this is scary/I look like a complete novice/how embarrassing this is in front of so many people/everyone's watching me make a fool of myself again - and concentrate entirely on Poppy and Alfie's complex anxieties.

So...until we meet again.