Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now, without wishing it were different;

enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).

This from James Baraz who runs a course based on Buddhist teaching called Awakening Joy. (I just think Joy needs a louder alarm clock.) And here's me attending a course called Creating Happiness!

So...mindfulness.

 I'm not too bad at the happiness bit. Mostly I'm joyful and feel blessed for that. What makes me most happy is making other people happy and that's fortunate for me. The ultimate win-win situation.

What I'm notoriously dreadful about is being with the unpleasant. By this, I mean not only things that really could be categorised as unpleasant like confrontation and fights. Some things I can't be with at all are labelled as entertainment in other people's eyes.

Like The Voice. I might possibly enjoy the performances in the blind auditions...but I can't because I have to run out of the room when every contestant starts singing in case none of the judges turn round.

Like Mastermind. I squirm and writhe if a contender goes into meltdown and time and again fails to answer questions. I start hyperventilating.

Like The Apprentice when participants are fighting for their show lives like rats in a trap, verbally mutilating others in their desire to succeed. (Can that be called SUCCESS?) Sometimes I put my hands over my ears and screw my eyes tight shut.

by Joanie Newberry

And all my agonising, genuine agonising, regardless of the fact that all these people have willingly put themselves in this situation...

I can't quite work it out. Something to do with being unwilling, unable to witness humiliation. Don't even know where it came from.

Although it would be no great loss to society if these programmes disappeared forever into the ether, I'll still watch them occasionally. My masochistic tendencies. I want to challenge myself to be with whatever happens, no matter how unpleasant.

I fail. EVERY TIME.

So, imagine what I'm like in real life situations that are actually significant...

To be continued - if I can bear it!