There is no secret so close as that between a rider and his horse.

I tell Alfie and Poppy everything. If you want to find out more about me,don't bother to hack my phone. You only have to ask them. I'm sure they'd reveal all for the price of a carrot.

Who needs psychotherapy anyway?

It might seem insignificant to many people, but one of the things that gives me most pleasure in my life is calling the horses in each morning.

Alfie lives out in an enormous hilly field with seven other geldings. From the gate, very often, there are no horses to be seen anywhere.

I call out 'Alfie!' in that special way I have which would be embarrassing if somebody filmed me secretly and posted it on YouTube and...nothing. Then...still nothing. Then...a distant thundering of hooves and Alfie appears over the horizon and gallops up to me and skids to a halt two inches from my nose. I've learned that he WILL stop!

Poppy shares a set of fields with three other mares. When I call her, all four horses come cantering up to the gate, but Poppy is always in front, with her ears flat back, saying to the others 'Get lost!' (only less politely) 'She's MY mummy. Keep away from her. It's ME who must be there first.'

See, I can understand exactly what she's saying. And Alfie.

And they can understand me.

Note to the RSPCA. The last picture IS A JOKE.