The moaning of life!

That Seth Godin again. I'm sure he has some sort of extra-sensory perception connection to my brain...

His last blog post, yet again, was a knife plunged right to the heart of my self-doubt about putting myself and my work out there.

"What's on your list?

"I have kids at home, I don't have a manager, I need to pay off student debt, my boss never lets me, I'm really busy because of soccer season...my RSI hurts when I type, I don't have a degree, I have a degree and can't waste it, I'm not good at that, I tried it before but it didn't work, I've never tried it before...I've been too long at this job, they won't listen to me, I'm going to retire soon, I'm too young, I'll never learn, it's too risky..."


We all have a list. Most of the things on it may in fact be legitimate reasons for no.


I guess the self-marketing question is, "how often do you remind yourself of what's on the list?"


If the first thing you do when considering an opportunity is consult the list, the list is the most important thing in your life, isn't it?"

 Aaaaaargh! What's on MY list today?

I have visitors coming for the weekend, must go shopping, the car needs an MOT and tax disc, I haven't heard from that children's literary agent so there's no point in sending anything off, I have too much corporate stuff to do to get on with the screenplay, I got crushed by a horse so I'm not sleeping too well ...and ...and ...and ...

THEN, I heard John Bishop on Desert Island Discs. What a lovely, genuinely humble man! He was sales director at a pharmaceutical company before he took a leap of faith to follow his dream to be a stand-up comedian.

This is what he said. "There would have been a little bit of a light inside of me that would've been growing dimmer and dimmer and I didn't want to get to 50 and say 'you know what I could have been,' so I thought I'd rather give it a go and fail than be a successful moaner.'

Yeah, Caroline...

You will be judged (or you will be ignored)

Those are pretty much the only two choices.

Being judged is uncomfortable. Snap judgments, prejudices, misinformation... all of these, combined with not enough time (how could there be) to truly know you, means that you will inevitably be misjudged, underestimated (or overestimated) and unfairly rejected.
The alternative, of course, is much safer.

To be ignored.

Up to you.

This was Seth Godin's post, yesterday

What's that spooky music? Okay, it'll have to be Psycho, but that's not the one I meant.

Anyway - that post came exactly at the right moment yesterday to spur me on, to swallow the fear of being 'misjudged, underestimated (or overestimated) and unfairly rejected,' and send the first ten pages of my YA novel, Of Night And Light, to a literary agent, and send the screenplay of The Melting to a film producer.

Now, all I have to do is wait...for something...

I'm mean, seriously...what IS the point of me writing all this stuff, pouring my heart and soul into it, and then NOT DOING ANYTHING WITH IT?

Sometimes, I could get quite cross with myself.

Edison failed 10,000 times before he made the electric light.

Do not be discouraged if you fail a few times...said Napoleon Hill

I was about to say, with weary resignation, that I was sure Napoleon Hill hadn't been trying to find a literary agent (in this case, for children's books) or he wouldn't have said that with such spirit - but he was an author so maybe he had.

It's hard not to be discouraged, sometimes. However kind the 'No,' however much you're told,  "Try to keep "No" in perspective. This is a highly subjective business and another agent may adore your work. All it takes is one "Yes." We wish you success in finding that "Yes" - Sometimes you just get ground down and worn out with it all and begin to doubt the quality of your work.


When I say 'you' I mean 'I'...I'm sure that no other writer in the entire world has experienced this struggle. I am The Only One. (I'm also sure that I've retained my sense of humour!)


SO...

By the way, I haven't just been rejected by a literary agent again. It's simply that, for a while, I haven't had the heart even to TRY.


But today, I'M GOING TO.

Onwards and Upwards by Philip Dunne

Recalculating, recalculating...

I could learn a lot from Ms.Garmin. In fact, I DID learn a lot from Ms. Garmin.

Yesterday, she suffered a whole lot of abuse from me on my journey from Buxted to Sheffield and home again via Northampton. Usually, I'm known for being polite but nearing the end of thirteen hours on the road, tempers were beginning to get a little frayed.

Ms. Garmin: Take the next exit and enter the roundabout.

Me: NO, I WON'T, YOU STUPID TART!

Ms. Garmin: (without raising her voice or sounding in the slightest bit offended) Recalculating, recalculating...

Things don't always go as planned in this life. When I got home, there was an e-mail waiting for me from a literary agent for children's fiction - a very kind and considered e-mail which nonetheless turned me down.

Thank you, Ms. Garmin. In all seriousness, I thought of her. I DIDN'T fly into my usual very stupid 'That proves I'm worthless' scenario.

I simply said, with smile on face,