Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it's not for you

So...I'm middle-aged then, Ogden Nash.

I'm not a great one for the telephone no matter the day of the week. Intrusive things. Give me e-mails any day.

Yes, I definitely have a thing about telephones. I am nearly always reluctant to answer them. I think it's as a result of the floods of cold calls I get and yes, we have subscribed to that service which is meant to deflect them. At the moment, I'm particularly bugged by some that purport to be from Microsoft.

I pity people who have to earn their living in call centres, I really do, but that doesn't stop me from being unnerved when I receive their calls.

 This 'Microsoft' call centre is in India.

A male voice, with a very strong Indian accent that I can barely understand says, 'Am I speaking to Mrs. Coxon?' and when I (foolishly) say 'yes,' he will say, in his impossibly strong Indian accent, 'Good afternoon. My name is Rupert.' (or Jonathan..or Sebastian)...

Yeah right, of COURSE that's what your name is...

Then he will tell me that they have noticed I am having problems with my computer and...

He doesn't get much further than that because I say, politely, 'I'm NOT having problems with my computer. Thank you for phoning. Goodbye,' and put the phone down. Perhaps I shouldn't say thank you? ...but I don't want to make his day any worse than it already might be.

It does prey on my mind, though...

SO - the rest of this blog will be devoted to making me feel more positive and smiley about telephones.

 A slight smile...

 A bigger smile...(if the writing's too small for you, it's Salvador Dali's famous shrimp mobile phone)







And finally, one for the geeks.

 Help, I must be a geek. I understand it.

Oh, excuse me. The phone's ringing. I think that'll be Rupert. For me.